Changes are a happenin'

 This picture was taken at the beach, Fort De Soto, FL.  Its at the beginning of this post as an illustration.  While it would be expected to see beach grass at the beach and maybe even the yellow flowers, it may not be expected to see cacti at the beach in Florida which is a predominately tropical area, although definitely hot enough for them to thrive there is a whole lot of rain, but here they are.

People are kinda like these plants don't you think?  We have the personalities we would expect to see and the ones we are happy to see and then the ones that are unexpected, even prickly but still have something great to offer.

Transition to Florida has been interesting.  I just read a chapter in a book in which the writer discussed being careful as part of his identity.  His first two books he wrote pretty quickly, enjoyed writing them, they came easy.  Then while starting on his third book the 2nd one became a best seller.  There were critics and fans.  It took longer for his third book to get finished and his forth and fifth considerably longer.  He talked with a friend about the difficulties he was having and the friend commented that his later work was "careful" compared to the freeness and fun of his early work.

He realized that he had indeed become careful in his writing, trying not to offend anyone and choosing each word carefully.  He made a list of things he wanted to keep in mind in order to avoid being careful.  Some of the things he mentioned was to write without censorship and also to admit when he was afraid or when he made a mistake and that he is human.

For a long time I have envied people who could just tell others what they were feeling or if they were scared or worried or whatever.  They could pour out their heart to a stranger, they could connect to another soul. They had what is referred to as an open heart.  I have felt that need but a controlling influence as to what is proper and right has held a tight leash.  Constantly analyzing and worrying if I have revealed too much to a person or too soon to a new acquaintance.  Fear of what they might think.  Uncertain as to what I have to offer to another being.

So, rather than hiding my thoughts in the other blog I have and is published anonymously, here on this blog where people who know me might actually read what's written, I pronounce "I am scared of getting close to people".  While I am trying to mend a broken heart, its hard work and there is a whole lot of back and forth in the progress.